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Swinging – The New Monogamy?

July 24, 2010

…so someone at work left it on the table in the lunch room, and when I saw the cover I just had to pick it up and read it: A wedding cake with three figurines gracing its top – one bride, and two grooms! It was the June/July issue of Psychotherapy Networker, and the lead article bore the title “The New Monogamy.” I’ve posted the cover – you can catch the article HERE.

Dr. Tammy Nelson, the article’s author, is a licensed psychotherapist and sexologist whose book, Getting the Sex you Want, is highly recommended. In this article she’s exploring the changing definitions of monogamy and infidelity.

Why would that matter to me as an author of erotic romance? Hubby and I are writing characters caught up in the excitement of the world counselors are just coming to recognize as possibly healthy and valid. Dr. Nelson has talked with a number of couples who confirm they get together with other couples for sex dates. The sample she describes is fairly young – couples whose children are now school age, and who want to “rekindle a youthful sense of adventure, sexual excitement, and desirability” while remaining committed to each other in their primary relationship.

Most of the swinging characters we’re writing are somewhat older – at mid life, their nests are emptying – but their purpose is much the same. We, too, have talked with a number of swinging couples, as part of the research for our Swinging Games series. The individuals we’ve spoken with range in age from mid twenties to just over seventy, though most are over forty. They’ve turned to swinging for a variety of reasons. Often, the female partner (like the lead character we invented for our series) has begun to realize she has bisexual interests, and swinging is a safe way to explore those that both partners can enjoy. Others, including many who remain het in orientation, love the thrill of the chase (and being chased).

The persons we’ve talked with report the same phenomena – they are surprised and gratified by how their mutual sexual adventures enliven and recharge all aspects of their relationship. Feeling desirable, knowing your partner is highly desired, watching your partner give and receive exciting sexual experiences, learning more nuances about giving and receiving pleasure, trying out new ideas and techniques, voyeurism (especially at clubs and parties) and the thrill of more than one pair of hands giving pleasure in threesomes or foursomes are just some of the benefits couples tell us about.

Of course we’re not saying couples should or shouldn’t try out swinging to spice up their relationship – but if you find these fantasies enticing, we do recommend reading together some of the available erotic romance novels centered on swinging. Enjoying an erotic romance together is a safe way to experiment and reap at least a few of the benefits reported by couples we’ve spoken with. Here are some links to get you started:

Swing, an anthology edited by Jolie Du Pre

Swing Pointe by Kissa Starling

The Big 4-Oh by Beth Wylde

Swinging Games by Adriana Kraft

An added bonus – the body jewelry vendor listed below just found me on Twitter and gave me her links. She carries some great Swinging jewelry – all of it non-piercing, not just for nipples:

Nipple Rings from
Non Piercing Body Jewelry. All the pleasure & no pain.

Use Code Adriana for 10% Discount!

You can find all my books at 

9 Comments leave one →
  1. July 25, 2010 5:43 pm

    Every day I see more and more couples communicating, being honest about what they want and need sexually. This is a breath of fresh air to know that you found this on the front of a magazine, and someone is writing articles about it. I can’t wait to read it myself. Thanks for sharing this Adriana!

  2. adrianakraft permalink
    July 26, 2010 7:36 am

    Hi Kissa, I couldn’t agree more! Openness and honesty are the key – it won’t work if it’s behind someone’s back, or if one partner really doesn’t want to participate but feels forced to by the other.

  3. Julie Swaney permalink
    July 27, 2010 9:24 pm

    I think any relationship needs honesty, no matter what the relationship

  4. Sheila Gallaher permalink
    July 27, 2010 10:00 pm

    I think everyone but the people involved need to stay out of others’ relationships. What happens in the bedroom is no one else’s business but those involved unless it involves children or non-consensual acts. It’s time for people to be able to live and love as they choose without being judged for their choices.

    • adrianakraft permalink
      July 28, 2010 7:09 am

      Great comment, Sheila, thanks! What consensual adults do together should be entirely up to them – and that’s part of what makes it so much fun to write about.

  5. July 29, 2010 10:28 am

    As fantasy, swinging can be hot. In reality, I wonder if there have been any long-term studis on the effects of swinging on a relationship. Thanks for the list of swinging books…I’ll have to check those out. Do you remember the short-lived TV show “Swing Town?” I sure miss that show!

  6. July 29, 2010 10:31 am

    I absolutely loved Swing Town. I hated when the cancelled it. They were just getting into the emotions of swinging. The characters were great too! I guess it was just too much for mainstream America.

  7. hotcha1 permalink
    August 15, 2010 12:29 pm


  8. hotcha1 permalink
    September 14, 2010 12:56 pm


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